According to some experts and relationship coaches, ignoring a guy can work to get his attention. It has the effect of triggering curiosity, making him lean forward and pursue you.
The problem is that the benefits of ignoring a guy only work if you’re approaching dating for short-term results with a view to perpetuate a power struggle (or to be chased.)
Let’s talk about these benefits and the costs of ignoring a guy, and whether you should use this strategy to bring him back or get his attention.
Related reading: 12 Reasons Guys Act Interested Then Back Off + What To Do.
Table of Contents
Things To Know
- Ignoring a guy can inspire curiosity and fear in him, but it doesn’t inspire love or real attraction. (Yes, even if he loves you.)
- Ignoring a guy is a low value way to get a guy’s attention, because it’s all about control. (For 7 common signs a woman is low value in the eyes of men, CLICK HERE.)
- Ignoring a guy can induce fear or worry in him, triggering a desire in him to reach out to you, or to “chase” you.
- But ultimately, him chasing you is not a predictor of him staying with you long-term because the factors that make him stay forever and see you as his “one and only” were established long ago, at the start of the relationship.
- You can take stabs in the dark with men like ignoring him to try to get things to work in your favour, yet the best case scenario is that he’ll form some kind of attachment (usually a toxic attachment) to you.
In this article I’m going to discuss the psychology of ignoring a guy, then answer the question of “does ignoring a guy work” from the typical feelings and motivators that inspire women to use this strategy.
Then I’m going to discuss the more ‘positive’ motivations a woman can have for ignoring a guy, and the consequences of that.
After that I’ll give you 3 positives of ignoring a guy, and 5 negative consequences (costs) of ignoring him.
Finally, I’ll finish off by answering some common questions related to whether you should ignore a guy or not.
Do the quiz: how commitment friendly is my man?
What Is The Psychology of Ignoring A Guy?
The psychology of ignoring a guy stems from something called reverse psychology.
Think of it like this:
If you’re really into the guy, you, like many women, will tend to attach more and act in all kinds of interesting ways to get his attention.
Becoming more attached to him is natural (in fact women have a feminine bias to attach early to men), but when you are extremely interested and attached to a guy and you don’t know what move to make, you do things that run the risk of coming off over-eager.
In other words, you chase the guy hard.
Then you realise that was a mistake.
So you think well, maybe I should swing the pendulum and go the opposite way.
Enter the reverse psychology of ignoring a man.
Why not, right?
Finally you can get your power back.
And that’s where you can walk down paths that have irreversible negative consequences in your love life.
RELATED: How to Tell Him I Like Him: 3 Low Risk & High Value Ways.
What’s the Impact of Ignoring A Guy?
What happens is you walk straight into a self-created power struggle.
You wanted him so badly that you overdid it, thus your best solution was to pull away to make him want you.
But this is how women get themselves into toxic relationships because that’s what they (and the guy in many cases) built the relationship upon in the first place.
MORE: How to Make Him Want You Back in 8 High Value Steps.
But Is There A GOOD Reason To Ignore A Guy?
Does ignoring a guy work? And is it possible to ignore him authentically (or from a good place emotionally)?
Yes, it is possible.
If a guy has done something that makes you feel so livid that you no longer want to talk to him, of course you would ignore him.
Sometimes there is no going back when a guy betrays you or hurts you.
In that case, ignoring him would be the healthy option, provided you’re willing to honor an authentic feeling within yourself.
In these cases, being ignored is likely what he deserves.
But notice that in this scenario, the relationship is likely to end for good, due to him doing something that’s betrayed your trust irreversibly.
So you really have to ask yourself:
What GOOD Reasons Do You Have to Ignore The Guy?
Is this counterproductive to building emotional attraction with him?
Or does it add value to him and to our relationship?
Next we’re going to talk about the advantages and the costs of ignoring a guy.
4 Advantages of Ignoring A Guy
- It creates mystery (but it’s a false mystery that doesn’t last long because real feminine mystery is based on having and accepting many parts to yourself).
- It can get his attention in the short-term, since he’s left wondering why you’ve changed your behavior and whether he did anything wrong.
- It can create momentum in terms of turning his lack of attention towards you into greater curiosity and in some cases, more emotional investment in you. (The crux here is that you have to be of intrinsic value to begin with for him to invest.)
- It might make him jealous. If you’re posting photos on social media of yourself spending time with other guys, he could get jealous and possessive, and while this might feel nice for your ego, it could have catastrophic consequences for your relationship (or even your safety, if you’ve gotten involved with the wrong kind of guy to begin with).
Read more: 10 Indisputable Signs He Wants A Serious Relationship With You.
5 Disadvantages of Ignoring A Guy
- You ruin your reputation. There is the risk of losing a good reputation (if you haven’t lost it already) if you just start ignoring a guy. Healthy men who aren’t toxic and who are serious about you will pull you up on your behavior very quickly.
- You’re playing a stupid game, and as the cool kids say: “play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” This doesn’t mean that playing games is wrong, because love is a game. You just have to play games in value-adding ways. Don’t play games in stupid ways.
- You don’t build real emotional attraction and real emotional connection. Thus instead of inspiring a man to fall in love with you and see you as his “one and only”, you use low value methods to gain leftovers from a man. By leftovers, I mean cheap, bogus versions of the real deal (real romantic love). Cheap versions include things like surface level attention and power struggles to feel in control for a short while.
- It doesn’t inspire him to see you as the one and only. I’ve said before that your ultimate goal as a woman is to be in a man’s “one and only” basket, not the “one of many” basket (there are only two baskets and men place you in one of these very quickly after they first meet you). But once you’ve been placed in the “one of many” basket, it’s much harder to get out of it, and no amount of ignoring a guy is going to get him to place you in his “one and only” basket. In fact it’ll lower your chances dramatically.
If you want to learn the 5 feminine secrets to having your chosen man fall in love with you and beg you to be his one and only, CLICK HERE to see my course “Becoming His One and Only”. - It doesn’t make you intrinsically high value. Sometimes we play stupid games in order to try to fake value within themselves (and men do it too). Ignoring a guy doesn’t raise your value. Only being high value can make him see you as a high value woman who is worthy of his commitment.
MORE: 17 Heartbreaking Signs He Will NEVER Come Back To You.
How To Find The Right Balance When Dating A Guy
The big key here to finding the right balance is to first. Quite simply, don’t let yourself be wanting any man desperately.
You might say well, how is that even possible? I can’t change how I feel about him.
Actually, you can. You are capable of calibrating yourself to his level of interest by feeling where he’s at.
Additionally, remind yourself that every guy is human. Every man is imperfect and if you want him that badly, you have to remember:
You’re likely just wanting to take something for yourself.
He can feel that and he’ll likely respond by pulling away.
If you want him really badly, the most likely scenario is that you’ve attached to him already.
This attachment to him is not bad in and of itself, but it has consequences.
Remember earlier I said that all feminine women have what I call a “feminine bias for early attachment”?
Well, you need to use that feminine bias in a high value way to make him emotionally attached to you.
You need to be attuned and smart in how you work with your feminine bias of attaching early, otherwise you can very quickly push him away (unintentionally.)
If you would like to say goodbye to the heartbreaking reality of being emotionally attached to a man without him being attached to you… by using your “innate feminine bias for early attachment” to create deeper attraction and inspire a deeper commitment from your man, CLICK HERE.
So Should I Ignore Him Or Not?
My advice is no. Unless you are really hurt by him and really need to ignore him to honour yourself.
Otherwise, you’ll just be sending the message that he’s not wanted and you’re not interested.
Or worse, that you’re manipulating him.
Yes, there’s a chance that the reverse psychology of ignoring a guy can bring you results here.
But I caution you – guys can come back begging for your attention not because they want to commit, but because they want to keep a steady supply of sex (for more on this, see: The Woman Men Commit to Versus the Woman Men LEAVE.)
Thus you have to make sure you’re in his “one and only” basket before any you move forward with this reverse psychology tactic.
Bottom line:
Look at the consequences of ignoring him as I’ve discussed and if for some reason you still see the short-lived, superficial results of ignoring a guy to be of benefit to you, then by all means, do what you need to do.
You can make your own choices.
But you also live with the consequences, and I implore you to make good decisions for yourself that will benefit you long-term.
At the end of the day, ignoring a guy to get his attention and interest again is like eating candy to get a dopamine hit.
The candy is never nutritious. Right?
Frequently Asked Questions
How do guys feel when you ignore them?
It depends on the guy. If he has low self esteem, he’ll feel angry or want to get you back for trying to wrong him.
Furthermore, he might wonder if he did something “wrong”, as low esteemed people sometimes do.
If he’s an esteemed individual and he already cared about you in the first place, he’ll feel curiosity and wonder “what’s wrong?”
If he was in love with you or invested in you, he’ll feel hurt or betrayed.
Finally, if he’s more on the toxic side, he’ll respond by either acting like he doesn’t care in order to trigger your insecurities and make you pine for his attention, or he’ll respond by feigning interest and care.
MORE: 8 No Bs Ways To Get Him Interested Again Fast.
How does ignoring someone with a big ego affect them?
Remember people with big egos are focused on their own self importance more than others whose ego is not as big.
Given that, it depends how they view you as a person. Namely, does he view you as high or low status?
What consequences does you ignoring him bring to his life?
If the consequences are big or catastrophic, he’ll get drawn right into you ignoring him, trying to ‘fix it’ or win back your affection.
Will a guy care if you ignore him?
Not necessarily. How much they care depends on who you are and how you have been showing up, not on the act of ignoring them.
Will ignoring a guy bring him back?
Sometimes it can trigger the feeling of loss in a guy, making him want to get back what he lost (you).
But that doesn’t necessarily benefit you in the long-run. Just because he fears losing you, doesn’t mean he truly values you.
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. She graduated with a bachelor of Law and bachelor of Arts majoring in sociology and psychology. She has been a dating and relationship coach for women in the past 15 years and together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 20 million women through their articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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